Testimonial of Hespen, Cassiopaean Forum Member

I first came across the Cassiopaean material in 2005 while I was still a senior in high school.  I had an American-to-its-core type of upbringing, with my parents fostering a solid sense of independence and hard work into me, though of course, at the time, I hated it every step of the way.  To add to the fire I was probably one of the most annoying ducklings in town! But, perhaps because of this upbringing, I was imbued with a natural curiosity for what to me was a wide and open world, a world full of potential, if only we worked hard enough to bring it into the light of day.

So I started asking questions, following my hunches, and making my rounds through the new age websites and even convinced myself to buy a couple of the books. I knew I looked goofy but I continued to look and kept asking myself, is this possibly true?  And that led, with nearly every book, to discard what I was reading.  Sacred geometry, the ‘sacred mysteries’, all of it had a ring of truth but the core nugget just wasn’t there. Anyone who has been through this experience surely knows the kind of disillusionment that follows it.  It isn’t pretty.  When we are lied to, whether we believe it or not, some part of us gets burned.  And that’s why I feel that what Laura-Knight Jadczyk is doing with this website is absolutely the right thing to do. The only way to clear out the lies that are designed to mislead and hurt all of us, is to give the truth!

But back to my story.  At this point in time in high school, with 9-11 only 4 years in the past, with Terrorism ringing in my ears and my gut telling me that something was clearly off, my search was frustrated, and my head was filled with nonsense.  And to top things off, all of my thoughts, all of my questions, were deemed not quite patriotic, and I was painfully aware that the annoying duckling quality that people used to tolerate was now making me look a little ‘suspicious’. I still shudder to think of it.  But I was lost and the only thing I had was a promise that I’d figure out what was eating away my relationships and my hope. That is, until I found SOTT.net.

To put it mildly, that’s when things really took off. I had stumbled across a group of people who were immensely further along in their lives and had forgotten more knowledge than I’d heard of.  I still laugh at myself for my naivety, then and now.  But finally here was material that I could research, that I could verify for myself.  I was not only encouraged to think for myself, to apply it myself, but it was abundantly evident that this was the only way I was expected to learn!  Anyone who has listened to or read John Taylor Gatto’s work will know how true this really is.  But this was completely new to me, and I understood right then and there a new appreciation for my father’s insistence on hard work.  The people here put together the SOTT forum, wrote dozens of books, host several websites, and all while living normal lives.

They’ve shown me that hard work isn’t something for fools, as was often the opinion among most of my peers, and something I was beginning to believe myself.  And it took several years to admit to myself that well, I guess Dad was right about that one.  It’s amazing to me that my rebellious nature, which led me to SOTT.net, would lead me right back to seeing my family in a new and more revitalizing light, with all the issues and wounds that we have.  And that’s not even adding the amount of emotional catharsis I’ve received from the Eiriu-Eolas program, created by Laura-Knight Jadczyk.

I feel inspired to be alive during these turbulent and otherwise dangerous times. It’s because of the forum that I have the strength to face the members of my family who have been left destitute, financially and emotionally, by political and economic systems that almost literally rolled right over them. Without a solid sense of identity that comes with a free and open exchange of ideas, it’s so hard to look into our loved ones eyes when they need to know one thing, and one thing for certain, as they go through the dark night of their soul.  Even if that’s just to know that they are loved, we need to know and love ourselves to give it to them, and I’ve learned it doesn’t come cheap.  But with a large group of people all focusing on the same goal, of taking our lives into our own hands and shining the light of an inquisitive nature onto our shadows, the load is lessened.

Anything accomplished for the SOTT forum, whether it’s a book read, a review written, or a helping hand offered to someone who is facing a crisis, was and still is completely voluntary, making the challenge to do it well even more fun and rewarding and, dare I say it, natural! This free and open exchange on a public forum has given me practice in that sacred art of ‘saying what you mean to say’.  It’s an experience that I can’t put into words, communicating on a deep level without fear that someone will stab me in the back or twist my words and attack. In my real life at college, at work, and with my friends and family, this stress relief has saved me much grief.  And yet the ability to give freely is an opportunity that so many of us consider impossible.  We’ve had our hearts broken but a part of us yearns to bond freely and experience life without all the pain that we carry with us.  But we don’t trust each other. It seems too dangerous. An open forum is the antithesis of this fear.  In an open forum issues can be resolved and what hurts us can be put in its proper place.

In an open forum we learn that all wounds can heal.  Maybe that’s why SOTT and it’s founders are attacked so viciously. And so right at this period in my life, ready to leave high school and unsure if I was ever going to see the light of human dignity again, here came SOTT.net with its abundant variety of information ranging from psychology and history to the non-linear aspects of personal decision making.  And now I have the chance to communicate with people I admire more and more each day.  Whew!  And because of this I’ve detoxified my mind body and spirit, all while learning to take one step at a time and to accept the challenges life offers me. I consider myself one of the luckiest pieces of dirt God ever blew into!  Come hell or high water I’d like to say thank you from the depths of my wild heart, Ark and Laura-Knight Jadczyk!

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