Date sent: Fri, 04 Jul 1997 03:43:13 +0000 (GMT)
I hope you slept well and that there are no ghosts or anything about. How old is the building where the apartment is?
But, as much as I would like to be there with you, it is just simply impossible right now. Not only do we not have travel money, I can’t leave the little girls, I don’t have any clothes for that climate, I don’t have a passport, and the idea of going so far alone scares me. I could DO it if I had to, but it is scary. So, we will just not worry about it now.
Tomorrow is Independence Day. This time last year I was sleeping at Aunt Harriet’s dreaming about what my life would have been like if I had found “The One.” And thinking that it was now too late. My life was over, there was no point in looking for any happiness for myself – only do my duty and raise my children. The Baby was sleeping with me, and I felt terribly sad that she would have to grow up in a world that was so full of terminal unhappiness.
And, this feeling of restlessness and being trapped grew all the following day, until it reached a peak during the fireworks, and, instead of staying another night, as had been planned, I told Aunt Harriet that I was going to drive home that night. And, drive home I did! To find… that MY ARK HAD COME!
Oh, Honey! The funny, funny feeling I had when I saw those three little letters: ark. And I just brushed it aside. All business. Until…
Well, it is hard to believe it all.
And here it is, a year later!
Date sent: Fri, 04 Jul 97 14:13:26
It is a beautiful day… at least by looking out the windows… except that the windows are covered with condensation from the outside… because it is cool in the house and VERY humid out! Probably going to be another scorcher of a day.
[my son] came in to check the doors late last night, as he often does, and as he turned to go back to his room after checking the hall door, he was startled to see someone standing by my bed. I was lying there looking at some papers. He stopped and stared and there was no one there, but he swears he saw you standing there holding your glasses.
So, that was funny!
Date sent: Fri, 4 Jul 1997 15:46:51
Oh, Honey! Been talking and discussing with Daniel and Marco. Then been with Marco to have some tortelini (no pizza and no beer), then been to supermarket to get some food, then it was raining and VERY hot and have just returned back. …
Date sent: Fri, 04 Jul 97 15:53:37
Now, I had a funny dream last night. I dreamed that you were asking me about some word suffixes in a dictionary. I had gone to sleep thinking about this fellow Chretien de Troyes… who, apparently, wrote the first of the “grail” stories under the patronage of the Philip of Flanders. It was left unfinished in 1182, and de Troyes died in 1190 without ever finishing it.
So, I thought that this was funny, considering that the C’s said that the Virgin of Candelaria appeared in the Canaries in 1189. And, in the grail stories, there is a prominent place for a woman carrying candlesticks, and an infant… etc. So, it is strange.
(All the grail references are in the file I sent.) The files I am working on now are the more “general” esoteric literature. I have also obtained copies of the translations of the Sumerian texts, and have a subdirectory full of more scientific data that may relate.
I don’t think that the horsehead nebulae is anything other than an identifier of Orion. But, the horse is something else altogether. And, it goes back to the fact of the single language relationship of words, and how they can be clues if the roots are searched.
For example: In the discussion of the Sarmoung Brotherhood it is said that it is the word for “bee,” and a symbol of those who collect the “honey” of wisdom to preserve it for further generations. And, that bees also refers to mysterious power that can be transmitted; man, in Persian, meaning “the quality transmitted by heredity, hence a distinguished family or race. Also, a repository for tradition. “Sar” means “head,” literally, and therefore, Sarman can mean “those whose heads have been purified.”
Now, the IE base of “bee,” is “bhei,” from which we get biene and bitte. Therefore, Bielefeld could mean, literally, “Bee field.” Or Alfalfa field, since alfalfa is the “best fodder,” and also makes the “best honey.”
But, getting back to the purified heads. Also in what I sent you is some material on “Peredur,” or the cult of the head. This says that, among the Celts, the head was venerated above all else as the seat of the soul, the center of emotions and life itself; also powers of the other world. A head of a great man, or holy man, was preserved as protection. The head was the supreme provider of all that was necessary for life. It had powers of prophecy, healing, fertility, speech, independent movement and incorruptible life. It was regarded as the essence of being, the symbol of evil averting divine power.
Okay. With a comprehensive understanding of all that DNA and genetics business, we can see that they were right. The neurotransmitters, the electrical activity of the brain, etc relate exactly to these functions.
However, obviously, somewhere along the way, the TRUTH of the matter got lost and all they were left with was “the cult of the head.” They would sometimes clean out the skulls of their powerful enemies, gild them, and use them as drinking cups, thus: drink from the head -> “thou annointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over…”
And then, we think of the apostle Paul writing about the “head of the church,” and the “body of Christ.”
Then, there is the funny reference in the grail stories about the spear of Lugh, which is alternately imbedded in the side of Christ, or bleeding into the “grail.”
But, in technical terms, a “grail” is really not a cup, but is, rather, a large serving platter.
In one of the grail stories involving Joseph of Arimathea (and I am not really sure how he gets in here,) Christ tells him that the grail is a “calice.” NOT a “chalice,” but a “calice.”
Okay, this goes to an IE root word: kel, which means “cup,” but also means “cell,” coele, or body cavity, cave… And, any and all of these layers of meaning can be connected to the idea of an underground race, the feminine generative power, and the DNA activation.
Llewelyn says that “Perets” was the original name for Perseus, and that this means “he who breaks.” And he relates this to Micah 2:13, where it says: ” The breaker is come up before them they have broken up and have passed through the gate… and the Lord on the head of them…” the Lord being represented by Aries, the ram, which signifies the head.
And, we know that Aries is the zodiacal sign which has Cassiopaea, “the bride of the Lamb,” Cepheus, the “rock” and king, Andromeda with her chains broken by Perseus, Cetus/Leviathan, the “sea monster” or whale which swallowed Jonah, and which Christ represented as symbolic of “resurrection.” Cetus is bound to two fishes, while the lamb holds the reins.
So, we have all of these concepts represented astrologically in the sign that rules the head. The whole drama is laid out.
But then, the word “sheep” is difficult to trace as it was only known in German as “schaf,” -> whence “schep” in Medieval English. BUT, we have “scepter,” which has an IE base “(s)kap,” which means “to cut, to shear.” It also is the root of “shaft” as in “spear.”
Then, “scorpion” is also derived from the same IE root as sheep and shear, and Scorpio contains the star “Antares.” (Remember the “Antareans,” mentioned by the C’s)
And, we remember that the C’s said that the bodies of the human race were molecularized on a planet in Scorpio called D’Ankhiar, from which we get the “ankh.” And, when you look at the ankh, you see the Rose and the Cross. The female and male generative emblems combined… or, the spear embedded in the side, representative of “Adam’s rib,” or “Eve,” which shows that which is both the source and the destination.
So, we loop around and around and see myriads of relationships which, without a LOT of knowledge of how things work, could lead anyone on a wild goose chase endlessly, as it apparently has for millennia.
So, this is all very funny stuff!
Ark responds to Laura
Date sent: Fri, 4 Jul 1997 15:58:03
> But, apparently you have not read any of it yet! > > Oh! Ye of little faith!
It was in Dijon and it was hard to do ANYTHING there.
> It wouldn’t be! If you were simply printing what I sent…
Printing is not enough. Reading is necessary. And the document is HUGE so reading it needs time and peace. I am not that fast in reading as you are. Probably I am about five times slower. First because of language, second because I am slow in reading anyhow. Please, remember it. And there are usually more things that I have to do, especially in an environment like it was in Dijon just surviving was difficult…..
Here it is all better. But still I have obligations. I have to read and understand and change one paper. I have to write down another paper. I have to write a report on another paper. And today Marco talked with me about S** who has sent his paper to the Journal of geometry of Physics (Marco is the Editor in Chief) and the paper was rejected in very strong terms by three referees. So Marco asked my opinion and I told him some of the story and will write another report on this paper more kind towards S**, but also negative, because S*** MUST learn to write his ideas using a precise mathematical language, otherwise what he is writing can not be distinguished from poetry.
Date sent: Fri, 04 Jul 97 19:58:15
It seems that the grail was originally supposed to contain the “host,” or the mass wafer. That is the “grail” story as created by de Troyes.
But, the original prototype for the story is the platter and cup, or drinking horn, of Bran the Blessed. It seems that this platter and horn would produce whatever one desired or needed when it was wanted. Rather seems like the miracle of the loaves and fishes as described in the New Testament – which makes one wonder just WHAT was being talked about there.
Well, it also seems that in the old French nominative, the word for “horn” and “body” was identical “li cors.”
The root is IE “ker.” This relates specifically to the upper part of the body, the head.
Well, this is funny. Because it is likely that the same root evolved into the word “sheep.” Which also means “shearing.” And, it also evolved into the word for “script,” and “cortex.”
And we can see the similarity of words: sar <-> ker.
Now, it says in the Perceval story by de Troyes: “So sacred a thing is the grail… that he needs no more for his sustenance that the mass wafer which comes in the grail… 15 years he has been thus.”
So, maybe we can think that this wafer represents the head, which represents the “purified head,” which is one which has achieved a certain state so that any and all things can be manifested because one is no longer “sheared” or “cut off” from one’s DNA and electrical circuitry of the brain.
On another note, C** said that she went to a local community college to listen to a lecture on genetics. The fellow said that fully 1/3rd of the dna has been mapped and that MUCH of it does NOT code for protein. Where am I going to get the latest, up to the minute information on DNA that is LEAST likely to be corrupted?
The funny thing is, the story in the New Testament about the miracle of the loaves and fishes is included just after the story of the beheading of John the Baptist and its presentation on a platter!!!!
And there are 5 loaves and 2 fishes in the first version, and 12 baskets of pieces are left after feeding. This is in Matthew 14: 17-21, and there are 5,000 people fed. It is also in Mark 7: 38-44. Then, the second such event takes place in Matthew 15:34-38 where there are 7 loaves and a “few fish.” 4,000 are fed. Mark says essentially the same, 8: 5-9. Only in the latter story of the second event, it is mentioned that 7 baskets of left overs are collected.
So, we have in the New Testament the juxtaposition of severed heads on platters, multiplying food on demand, abundance, and the “feeding of masses of sheep,” so to speak.
Loaves and fishes….
Laura responds To Ark:
Date sent: Fri, 04 Jul 97 20:24:47
> What is IE????>>
IndoEuropean root word.
> What is sar?>
First half of “Sarman” as in brotherhood. This is supposedly the group from which Gurdjieff received his teachings…
> What is ker?>
IndoEuropean root word for a LOT of other words as noted. It is also the root word for “scherzo,” in a sense of “leaping and gamboling,” which is, I suppose what lambs do.
It relates to sheep, shearing, heads, “arks” in the sense of being the “body” of a thing, or where something is “brewed” as a cask.
Which leads us to the loaves and fishes. Loaves are a portion of bread. Bread is derived from IE root which means to “brew,” or “ferment.” Which makes one think of Jesus’ saying about “a little yeast leavens the whole loaf.”
And, the word “alchemy,” is “the chyme,” which is the mixing and brewing done by digestive fluids… remembering that alchemy’s rule is “dissolve and combine.”
Fish only relates to Pisces, or the 12th house – which rules the subconscious.
Date sent: Sat, 05 Jul 97 05:46:59
I received a message from Wm Mann, and I will send it as well as my reply.
And, I think that I will go out and swim right now for awhile… may still be there when you come in. If so, I will be inside soon
Laura responds to Wm. Mann.
Date sent: Sat, 05 Jul 97 05:50:14
Bill, Just a few comments as I have promised the children to take them to the fireworks…
> I have to say: You have as much of a wandering mind as I do! But this is the > beauty of it all. As you have rightly pointed out, there appears to be no end > to it all, in terms of paths that one can take. Yet so many of the so-called > “enlightened’ paths lead nowhere.>
In the parlance of certain “okies,” (pun intended) that’s a big 10-4!
> The path that I have found is the same one that you appear to be hinting at. > In so many instances, I have found myself searching for the Indo-European > roots of a myth or word. And you’ve hit upon the “essence” of the “art.” In > other words, the many levels of meaning that can be associated with a single > word.>
And it is not merely the associations – ALL can be true simultaneously. Like a 3 dimensional mosaic. A sphere, if you will.
> Let’s examine the word “oak.” In IE it suggests a “door” or “to your right.” > By combining these two simple notions, there is the suggestion of, simply, “a > door to your right.” But what if we were to examine it on another level. Is > there a suggestion of a door “to another dimension?” Is there a suggestion of > a door “to a heavenly place?” What if the “door” was not your standard 6-foot > oak plank, but some other mechanism that allowed you to transcend that other > level? What, in fact, if that mechanism was indeed either an enzyme, natural > hormone derived from oak tannins, or a blocking agent, which caused a chemical > reaction in your body? What if that tannin, when mixed with alcohol, caused an > “altered” state (or just plain relaxed you) to the point that you were able to > enter and retreive information from that “hereditary bloodline?”>
Well, this is precisely what we are talking about here. And today, I was pondering the word “Alba.” Al being derived from Arabic as an article… but the “ba” being more interesting. Ba is a number of things – the soul or “force” of the Egyptians – the first half of the name Ba’al. Funny – just turn it around and you have Alba. But, it also means “gate.” And, also – Ba bel. Bhel -> sound, a bell. A door that opens to a sound. “Open sesame.”
So, interesting dove-tailing of thoughts.
What makes mistletoe on Oak trees different from mistletoe on other trees? What chance is there of getting a chemical analysis?
I grew up in the midst of pecan trees. There was a lot of mistletoe on them. And, pecan trees also have a lot of tannin. But a pecan tree is a far cry from an oak, the most obvious reason being that they are easily broken – the flesh fibers seem to be less sturdy.
I know that when pressed fresh, one obtains a juice containing cholin, acetylcholine and viscotoxin, all three of which, when injected intravenously, can for a time reduce high blood-pressure. It is also a pain reliever when applied topically.
Okay, for a person with “normal” blood pressure, a reduction would result in a “trance-like” or comatose state.
> I think that you’ll find that the same or near-same reaction can be derived > from charcoal or peat-distilled whiskey. The Irish have been seeing the little > people for centuries! But again this is the beauty of it. I believe that > legends and myths and stories all derived from real beginnings. The key is to > be able to synthesize the information and to identify the origins. As you’ve > pointed out, If one can identify the origins, then one can alter its state > (ie. genetic cloning).>
Well, yes. But something exact needs to be known here, I think, otherwise one could do something entirely detrimental!!!
> And this could not only relate to sheep but to genetic manipulation of certain > “royal” bloodlines. “To the right of God, you say!”>
> Were the “Holy Ones” genetically altered to become better “conduits?” Let me > ask this of you. After reading your many e-mails with regard to channeling > (what better use of human conduits?) do you believe that it is possible to > create a “Neuman” machine? I read somewhere that the US patent officials who > tested Neuman’s machine intentionally grounded it so that its energy would > have been dissipated.>
Well, here is where you will have to discuss with Ark. Provide him with the details, tell him what you think or conjecture, and let him think about it awhile. For the present. He is in Florence, but we run the correspondence through Bielefeld.>>
> This leads to the very interesting myth that mistletoe loses its energy/power > if it is allowed to touch the ground. Could there be something to the notion > that nature has produced its own “alternative” energy machine. Now we all know > that energy is produced naturally through the carbon – nitrogen cycle. What if > (again, what if) one had discovered a method by which DNA structures could be > altered to allow at least the temporary “displacement” of the world’s natural > state or “order.”>
Exactly. For example, poltergeist phenomena is nearly ALWAYS related to sexual issues – generally activation or suppression – which involves rather powerful chemicals soaking through the tissues. Another connection is electrical shocks. A LOT of so-called “psychics” received their “gifts” via some “shocking” event. And, the tendency of such things to “run” in families. And my contention that it is NOT related to a spiritual state of grace, necessarily. And, understanding the nature of the DNA, one KNOWS that what you are saying is not only possible but probable under the right conditions.
And, if the ability to “manifest” can be a result of certain genes, then it is entirely possible to DO ANYTHING by knowing how to activate them.
> Coming full circle, would the genetic displacement of certain chromosomes > allow one to breed mermaids or minotaurs. Were the origins of these myths > evidence of some mad experiments gone wrong? >
Not only that, the scary thing is: we don’t KNOW what is in that other 98 per cent of DNA that is NOT being used inside us!!! And, considering the fact that a body completely replaces itself rather more frequently than every 7 years, the stories of such monsters, and even werewolves, as such, are NOT crazy! (It just wouldn’t happen before your eyes as in the movies. It would take a while.)
> Do you know what a “shamir” is? In Masonic terms, the shamir is the ancient > serpent of wisdom, whose knowledge allowed water to cut stone. Think about it > for a moment. What is the simplest molecle yet hardest to alter? >
Well, the funny thing is: There is a whole bizarre story about a “coral castle” that was built by a LITHUANIAN immigrant over near Homestead on the other side of the state. My connection to this story is equally bizarre, but too long for now. Anyway, I talked at length to an elderly gentleman who was probably the only personal friend the buider of this edifice had. He pointed out to me that the most amazing thing, aside from the moving and placing of these huge blocks of stone, was that THERE WERE NO TAILINGS at the quarry.
> Coming full circle for the second time, earliest man believed that by painting > a hunting scene on a cave wall, that in fact the event would be recreated > during the hunt the following day. In other words, of seeing the future.>
Well, consider the elegance of the Lascaux paintings… and the dates… and make a connection to the Celts…
> Now if you entwine these two circles you get the vesica pisces, a symbol > which is representative of not only the “mysteries” of Christ, but also of the > balance of nature. This leads me back to your sessions, in which many of them > seem to have a theme of genetic differences between various tribes such as the > Celts and Native Americans, between such races as the Atlanteans and the > Aryans. I would certainly think that the evolvement of the Norse and Teutonics > had as much to do with genetic makeup as did thei harsh environment.>
Which also implies food sources that are different.
> Anyways, this leads to the path of the legend of the seven seals and the > seven letters. Was Christ himself an initiate of a “secret sect” that > possessed the knowledge which allowed one to reach the “highest” level, to > contact God directly, to “flatline” and be revived. Seven seals and seven > letters – 77 – the sign of purity, which relates rather nicely to your > comments concerning densities and dimensions. To reach that seventh heaven and > sit at the right hand of God! Through an “oak door.” Again, 7 simple letters!>
Well, yes. I think that this is a fruitful idea to follow!!!
Now, let me quickly send this and run down to the fireworks!!!
Date sent: Sat, 5 Jul 1997 07:18:30
OK Honey, I will read your letter to Bill later ….
Well, i’ve done it and I see he is a nice guy and talking to him my help not so much in learning something but in being able to express better and to clarify for yourself what is on YOUR mind… yes?
And I am happy that after swimming the pain is lesser. PLEASE take care, extreme care, when doing physical work.!
And it is indeed 45 minutes of walk from home to the dept. And today I discovered the shortest way and, funny, it goes through the place I was living last September. Which causes me to think and see the difference. And yesterday I washed two more shirts. And today will wash jeans and another shirt and will have everything clean. This Dijon was terrible. No warm water, no fridge, nothing.
Laura responds To Ark:
Date sent: Sat, 05 Jul 97 15:59:59
> In the bookshop there is a funny book by Deborah Tannen “Women > and men in conversation”. It is socio-psychology and it shows how > men and women can’t really communicate because men are SO MUCH > self-centered. I like the book because it opens my eyes. Perhaps it > is worthwhile to buy it?>
Well, that is up to YOU! I tried to read the VERY stupid book: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, which was about the differences and how women need to do this or that to understand men and communicate with them in a “non-threatening” way… well, I became SO UPSET reading this book, because it was saying that I needed to spend all my energy figuring out how to say and do things in special ways so that another person’s psychological state could be “babied.” Well, at this point, I had spent so many years doing that, and was completely exhausted, and just simply wanted to be able to say a complete sentence and not be ignored, rejected, judged, reacted against… just accepted for saying what I meant with no hidden agenda. At least MOST of the time!
For example, this guy was saying that if a woman asks a man to hang a picture on the wall that he “has to resist” doing it right away to demonstrate his authority. (Well, EXCUSE ME!) And then, if she says:”It is too far to the left, move it an inch to the right…” that the man is going to take this as rejection and criticism and judgement that HE is wrong all the way through…
Well! That certainly makes life pleasant! I mean, how many ways are there to say: Move the picture to the right? And, I don’t think we are supposed to be talking about power and who is in authority when we are dealing with a marriage. In a healthy relationship, I think that this can be flexible depending on the area of concern. And, it is individual.
I cannot tell you how many times I asked L to please do something for me which was either ignored completely, done long after it was needed, done so badly that I was sure to never ask him again, or he would DELIBERATELY wait to show his “power.” And this was in everything, under ALL circumstances. For example, after my surgery, both of my hands were bandaged so that I could not use them. If I asked him to help me to the bathroom, he would pretend he could not hear me… then, finally, he would acknowledge me, and THEN wait until I asked a 3rd or 4th time…
Or, if I was in the kitchen and I was holding something heavy and needed him to come help me, I would call, and he would do the exact same thing… repeatedly. And, I am pretty independent about doing things… but I was in a state where I needed someone to HELP me, and he wanted to play power games. If I asked him to plant a bush by the window, he would plant it by the fence. If I asked him to put mulch on my roses, he would tell me that I shouldn’t have something I couldn’t take care of myself, that HIS mulch was for HIS plants… and that roses were useless anyway since you couldn’t eat them…
So, it was NOT a good book for me to read! To tell me that I was supposed to learn to play this game, to encourage this behavior? I don’t think so!
So, if you think you need to read this to improve your perception… well, I think it is funny! Because, your perception is, as far as I am concerned, perfect. I am NOT like other women in many ways… but I suppose that in some ways I am like any other woman. You will have to be the judge of that.
> Buy the way, I think I have told you that before, but let me repeat: > BEFORE, that is more than a year ago I would never read a book > written by a woman. Now YOU have changed everything.>
Ark to Laura
Date sent: Sat, 5 Jul 1997 16:58:42
Honey, I looked into this Newman machine business. On first sight it seems to be a GREAT discovery (well, we know that “underground” there is technology much more advanced, but I mean HERE) of very efficient energy machine. You will get energy essentially for free. It is finally patented but as you can imagine there is a great opposition against using it. Moreover there is some new physics behind it which relates to time travel and uft and which basically is only guessed at a surface. No clear understanding. In principle one can make such a Neuman’s machine and test it and make experiments. It can be a good starting point towards “applied uft” and one can earn money with it. The machine itself is patented but once we understand the theory behind it we will be able to produce other patents as well. The story is that Newman himself had to spent 1,700,000$ to get the patent. So patenting ANYTHING USEFUL is a SOMETHING. Perhaps it is wise to ask C’s if this is a viable path (it CAN be). We can research it ourselves but there is a possibility that it is all a nonsense and we will lose years to find it out at the end.
Laura To Ark:
Date sent: Sat, 05 Jul 97 17:44:54
THAT was interesting!!!
Seems to be rather simple. But then, I did not exactly understand it all.
Am I correct in my understanding that there is a small motor or batter that starts the thing going? And, if so, can this be powered by sunlight or ambient light?
Well, I better not ask too much until I understand it –
But, it looks like a FUN thing to experiment with!!! And I expect, easy to construct.
Do you suppose it would run the air conditioner here in the house? Would give me enormous satisfaction to eliminate the electricity bill!!!
Laura responds to Wm. Mann
Date sent: Sat, 05 Jul 97 23:05:17
Oh, my! Indeed! Some Scorpio or Virgo there for SURE! “Get results!”
> I find myself in the same position that I usually end up in with other > correspondents, in that there is a wealth of information but there appaears to > be no concrete direction. >
We have a DEFINITE concrete direction. At least as concrete as such a nebulous concept can be.
> Therefore, if I may suggest, we should step back a little and pose a few > questions: What is the common theme to our recent conversations. If I may > suggest, the important words appear to be: wisdom, knowledge, understanding, > origins, serpents, horses, sheep, genetics, energy, location, soul, head, > royalty, Christ, God, Goddess, Sumerians, races, and so on. And above all, the > “grail.”>
Ultimately, it is the grail. Though I doubt that I would have been able to give such a clear answer two years ago.
Many years ago, when I started on this “quest,” the idea was to find the “ark.” And the universe is so AMAZING! It sent me my Ark!!!
You see, as a child, I began to notice something: nothing made any sense. No matter what religion or philosophy one dragged out to explain things, there was still something SEVERELY lacking. And this lack consisted of irrational and obviously faulty explanations for evil. That is, there was not one that MADE SENSE! I could clearly see that to call anything that exists an “error” was an erroneous way of thinking, ontologically speaking. Error, per se, simply CANNOT exist. Now, hopefully, I won’t have to go through all of the steps that takes one, inevitably, to this inescapable fact of existence.
And, I believe that this drive was triggered by several incidents that occurred when I was a small child. Evil was all around me, yet I was NOT evil. I clearly understood that it was there. But, I also understood my innocence.
Anyway, out of this simple fact arose the need to explain the existence of evil in terms that made sense. Against ALL advice, I plunged into the study of evil to an extent few can realize. I am probably one of the world’s silent and unknown authorities on this subject. I wanted to UNDERSTAND this purported flaw in creation. Because I realized that if I could understand it, then the rest would be easy.
I can say now, that I realize that I will NEVER understand it, but I know what it is in technical terms.
And this study led to many other observations about the world in general and the cosmos at large.
One of the chief observations was: it is OBVIOUS that the existence we find ourselves in is NOT the one we were intended for. Evolution is a completely nonsensical idea that has more proof AGAINST it than for it. I could list them, but will forego that also, for now.
The earth and 3rd density existence is HOSTILE to the soul. It is even hostile to physical existence. There is no rational explanation for man’s existence on the Earth.
So, this led, then, to the next level of study; and the conclusion that there was a DIFFERENT MODE of existence. The ancients wrote about it, various persons have experienced it or reported on it, throughout history… what is written, that is. And it is CLEARLY different from what we, today, experience. Even in quantum terms!
So, that led to the idea of metamorphosis, which drew me into the study of the great metamorphic events of the past in an attempt to understand both what happened, in precise terms, and what this other mode of existence might be.
Naturally, I had to interpret everything in linear terms, because, at the time, that was all I was able to work with. So, my conclusion was that, yes, man formerly existed in a state, a reality/realm, considerably different from the one in which we presently find our existence. And that this state was both cyclical in mass terms, but could also be individual; or even both in an interactive way. And, further, that this cycle was apparently on the verge of changing in the not-too-distant future.
So, it became important to “find the Ark.” Because, as I am fond of pointing out, Noah didn’t sit on his behind when told that something was about to happen that was totally incomprehensible to the other people on the planet. Damn it! He built an Ark! He DID something.
So, I saw this as a clear allegory to DO something. But WHAT, precisely? I am a practical person. I like results, too.
Well, that began another level of searching. And, finally, when I came to the conclusion that there were so many lies and so much “disinformation” and confusion out there, that it would be next to impossible to DO anything without spending a lifetime in experimentation, I became rather discouraged.
Nevertheless, I pressed on, with deteriorating health and little hope left. I knew that, without help, I was not going to have a distinct and clear answer. And, I NEEDED this answer. For me it was like the need to breathe for other people. I was dying, and only the answer could bring me back to life.
At this point, I met Frank, and we discussed the matter for months. The matter being: can one contact a source of information that is clear, concise, and PURE. Believe me, in my study of evil, I read tons of “channeled” material and books about this or that medium, this or that phenomena, and on and on. I could see that, occasionally, there WAS a bleedthrough of something, some essential source that was not a “dead dude,” as we fondly call them, nor a lying spirit. But, inevitably, when this sort of thing would happen, corruption usually followed, and whatever contact was made, was lost.
I took that idea under advisement, and Frank and I began our experiments. We had decided that, even if one is NOT a “mediumistic” sort of person in the ordinary sense, that perseverance and dedication and repetition and a sincere desire to KNOW would be just as good a place to start from. Or, perhaps even better.
So, we began. And we persisted. Week after week for 2 years. And, in the meantime, a LOT of VERY negative things happened to. It was like swimming against the tide. But, I persisted. The internal drive was stronger than anything. And, one night the Cassiopaean’s began their communication. It was a slow process, and limited at first because I insisted on certain “tests” and “controls” in terms of maintenance of purity and elimination of corruption. I had learned THAT lesson well by study.
And, from that night to this one, the C’s have been there… never doing anything but answering my endless, often foolish, questions. Patiently teaching, gently urging, and NEVER intruding in any way. I have never heard a voice or seen a vision of them.
I have learned VERY deep principles of existence that give one a view of life that is so completely different from the ordinary, that it is difficult to remember what the other limited view was like.
And, it is through the C’s that Ark and I were reunited (they did some VERY funny celestial matchmaking!) and all sorts of interesting other things have happened.
But, the chief thing about them that sets them apart is: they clearly say that one does not learn to ride a bicycle by reading about it. We are all here to learn to ride the bicycle. Any source that says otherwise, or attempts to “jump over” this process is violating free will and all in violation of free will are merely those who have chosen to give their power away, and even that choice is free will. And, gaining knowledge is the riding of the bicycle. And, once one learns to ride a bicycle, then one is allowed to learn to drive a car, so to speak.
So, in honor of free will, they can answer a LOT of things, but other things cannot be answered – they must be worked for. Our effort is our money. But, they do give hints and clues, as you have seen.
And, it seems, the grail idea, the whole “decoding” of existence idea, is one that we have been led to by their dropping of hints and clues, and our following them. And, it also happens that the events of our lives play a BIG part in the process. It is as though, once you have sincerely framed a question, the universe seeks to answer it, only it does it symbolically through the events of life. The cosmos is the speech of God.
Okay. That was a lot. Let me move on.
> It’s funny, I think we have the answer to the question: What is the grail? > “right” before us. To me, the grail is “enlightened wisdom” that is gained > through knowledge and understanding. And knowledge and understanding leads to > TRUTH. Now what is truth? To me, again, truth is BEAUTY; in other words, “the > beauty of it all!” The beauty of the body and its inner workings, the beauty > of the mind and spirit, the beauty of man being able to overcome overwhelming > odds (Of course I have a little bit of the Celtic philosopher in me).>
Yes, I agree that all of the above are PARTS of the answer. But there are also some very practical things involved in terms of energy movement, arrangement, growth and metamorphosis.
> I guess that what I’m trying to say is that the understanding of “God” can > only truly come about through reasoning within oneself, and not through > Church rhetoric. This was the Cathar belief that was so disgusting obliterated > by the Church.>
Well, yes. And, it is entirely personal. As the Sufis say, the ladder is the same for everyone, but each one uses their own speed and technique to climb it.
> But enough said on this level. It’s like a Monty Python sketch of “What is the > Meaning of Life.” >
Or better, “Who’s on first!” (Laurel and Hardy)
> As you yourself have pointed out, there are so many who claim to have the > answer but when investigated they all turn out to be FALSE. Now through our > questions there appears to be many interesting by-products, such as the origin > of various races, the ability to transcend time and space, the ability to > create an “energy” machine and even a “manna” machine. But let’s look beyond > these things and dig to the “Root” of it all.>
Well, those things are important because they constitute UTILIZATION of knowledge. And, utilization is a KEY element. There is SERVICE of UTILIZATION.
> I guess what I’m getting at is asking you the question: What do you hope to > find at the end of the rainbow? Is it something physical, spiritual, is it the > ability to skip through space, or the ability to understand all of these > things.>
It is quite simple. I expect to permanently quit this level of existence, and I intend to do in without seeing death this time. (This sounds strange, but for one who remembers numerous other lives the way last year’s vacation is remembered… well, you see my point?) And, that is the goal. But, it is not one that is “fixed,” in the sense that I would be disappointed in a serious way if I were to fail. Rather, I know that I would pick up at the point I left off in the next life until it is achieved.
> King Solomon was granted the greatest gift ever – WISDOM, yet he ultimately > abused it. The Celts believed that the soul lay in the mind. I also believe > this. > > Anyways, let me throw something (And now for something completely > different – again, Monty Python) at you: Arthur Conan Doyle was a little bit > of a mystic in his own right. Might I suggest that you look at The Adventure > of Sherlock Holmes – Siver Blaze. >
Ark and I both are Sherlock Holmes fans from our childhood! Read everything Doyle wrote about Holmes, and much of it more than once. But, other than that and a few other things, have read very little fiction.
> You’ll see that this story also contains suggestions of wisdom, > understanding, knowledge, origins, serpents, horses, sheep, genetics, energy, > location, soul, and all of the rest. >
Well, now that you have mentioned it in this context, I look forward to relaxing and reading it again!!!
> You’ll also notice that within the story their is the suggestion of > experimentation on sheep (actually, the cutting of the sheep’s tendon – > Laura, your notion of the foot being the achillie’s heel) before the attempt > is made on a prize horse that just happens to have a very distinguishing > birthmark (Laura, again?). And all of this happens at “King’s Pyland.” And to > boot Laura, I also suggest that you read “The Adventure of the Copper > Beeches,” which involves the fate of a “Violet Hunter.” Is violet or purple > not the colour of royalty? Is that what we’re searching for? The long-haired > Monarchs? (Again, oaks and beeches.)>
VERY interesting! And it is raining just now, too! Perfect for Holmes!
But, I don’t think it is so much a “long haired monarch” we are looking for. I think it is a bloodline, a “blue” blood line, if you will. But not in the sense of earthly, or 3rd density, “royalty.” I think there are a LOT of people who are the “sleeping warriors in the cave” who can be awakened. And, I think that our reality, our future realm and state of existence depends upon the powers of manifestation of this combined group of “Tuatha de Danaan.”
> Confusing? Yes! But just to realize that there may be an underlying theme > throughout history, throughout time that certain people have “glimpsed,” such > diverse people such as Arthur Conan Doyle, Jules Verne, Nicholas Poussin, to > me that is “greatness,” and I am thankful to be given the brain to realize it > myself. But who do I have to thank for it? What are my real roots? Again, this > is the beauty of it all. The world is so complex. How do I reason such a > complex question? In Masonic terms, there is the saying: If you do not know, > then that is enough.>
Well, I think that knowing what one knows and does not know is important so that one can frame the question. The state of the cosmos depends upon the questions asked of it.
> Sorry, I have to know what lies at the end of your quest. The Fisher King > remained crippled because Perceval failed to ask the question. Only Galahad > found the TRUTH. What do you think the grail “is”?>
Well, I suppose now you know. There is yet a LOT to be done because the others must be awakened. And, I am afraid that there is yet a battle to be fought. But not in the sense of earthly battles. And there is much turmoil ahead. Many tests yet to come.
What do I think the grail is?
This can be answered on several levels, all of which are true simultaneously. The grail is the mind, it is each and every cell of the body, it is the DNA, it is the soul, and it is the sum total of all of a person’s lives and other states of existence. It is that which, when full, enables a person to partake/utilize of a completely different mode of existence. And, yes, there are artificial means of “tapping” temporarily into this power, or parts of it, but, ultimately, possession of the grail means full acknowledgement of one’s true being, BE-ing one’s true and full self in response to the Divine Command: “Let there BE LIGHT!”
Is that clear enough? lkj
Ark To Laura:
Date sent: Sun, 6 Jul 1997 07:30:38
I was reading your correspondence with Bill.
Had problems sleeping last night. There were some noises and for a while I was thinking of a poltergeist in the house. But probably it was natural because it was Saturday and Italians were enjoying life. And there were mosquitos. So I slept very little. And it is a sunny morning. […]
Laura To Ark:
Date sent: Sun, 06 Jul 97 07:33:30
And, funny – I was wondering yesterday if the place you are in was haunted!!!
Ark To Laura:
Date sent: Sun, 6 Jul 1997 08:00:18
By the way, I was told by the owner that before me (but I do not know WHEN it was) in the same place was living another visitor, Victor Stenger, who is a physicist from America, rather famous on the Web and being featured on Sarfatti pages. And the noises were rather funny, as somebody upstairs, but really far away, was using a VERY heavy HAMMER …. once in a while. Which was somewhat strange in the middle of the night.
Laura To Ark:
Date sent: Sun, 06 Jul 97 08:06:44
Well, SweetHeart! Hammer blows that cannot be located are one of the MAJOR indicators of a poltergeist. I would complain to the owner… just to have it on record in case it is needed in the future. Also, tell Daniel and others about it.
Ark to Laura
Date sent: Sun, 6 Jul 1997 08:25:53
I believe it will not repeat. It is only Saturday-Night-Spirit.
Laura To Ark:
Date sent: Sun, 06 Jul 97 08:02:39
Now, Honey, We started with a few health questions for V** which made me think of your tiredness in Dijon, and I just wanted a general answer about why you were so miserable there and what was the “meaning” behind the “forces” causing you to be miserable. Though, I just asked: “What was behind the tiredness and general feeling poor in Dijon?
A: Nearby ELF transmitter, also the water supply is loaded with flouride.
So, I went on to my next questions, because that was okay… you aren’t there now, and my curiosity was satisfied. I no sooner got the question out of my mouth when they started off:
A: Is this all you want to know about this? We suppose if we told you: “Laura, a great big rock is about to fall on your head,” then you would say: “Okay, now moving right along…?”
So, of course, I inquired about what damage the flouride could do since, obviously, you were no longer there and exposed to any ELF…
A: Flouride is toxic and depositis in fatty tissues, and lymph system. Aside from the obvious negative consequences, it can make on more susceptible to electromagnetic wave frequencies that are designed to make one open to mind alteration!
So, I was UPSET! I asked what to DO?!
A: We recommend daily ingestion of golden seal root, as well as vinegar and garlic in moderation, along with up to an hour per every two days of light aerobic exercise.
I asked if a half hour per day would do, and they insisted:
A: One hour every other day. Light at first.
I asked if there was more that would help?
A: This is a good start. Arkadiusz or, as we like to call him, Arkady, is the primary target of your trio for now. Great potential dangers lurk…
So, I said: Well! This really IS like a grail quest and Ark is in the seige perilous!
A: Yes. Imagine how much your cause would be damaged without him? Where would your ambition for the quest go?
I was about to cry at this thought, so I just said: If anything happened to you, it would also be the end of me.
A: You must be extremely vigilant when it comes to him and his safety. He still does not completely fathom the depths of the situation, until he is here, thus, more protected, and it will not be easy to get him here. Danger awaits the greeting of each new day. Vigilance! Vigilance! Vigilance!!!!!!
So, I was VERY upset at the mere saying of the words that it would be difficult for you to come… I was about to cry.
A: Now… calm down. No need for depression. Would you rather be left with a lack of knowledge and in an ever increasing state of false security oriented oblivion, only to be struck by lightning? Of course not!!! So, remember, remember! Knowledge protects, ignorance endangers.
I said something about having to literally watch everyone, because all do not consciously act against us, but anyone can be used and manipulated. Anyone and everyone. Remember, “they” work through persons, they are not normally the persons themselves.
A: There is always that. Have you not seen the evidence already? You must be aware. Think of it as a war. Expect every possible move/or occurrence. Victory comes from being forewarned, and therefore forearmed. Don’t be like the sentry who fell into a peaceful pleasure filled dreamy sleep while on watch! He did not even feel the blade as it pierced his heart!!!
So, I said: I don’t like you being in danger. Can we quit and be safe?
A: Too late!! Look at it this way: make it your goal to succeed, then you have nothing to fear.
I wanted to know if there was a connection between Moshe and the danger in Dijon.
A: Connection? Not exactly, except that Arkadiusz must be made aware that danger lurks everywhere potentially. He has spent a lifetime building a strong sense of security based upon his own natural self assured state of being. But now is the “time” to learn that this is not enough.
Q: Are there any specific dangers at present in Florence or Wroclaw?
A: No specific dangers. Just remember there are forces “out there” that wish to see your project, and you fail. You two have both previously felt the sting of these forces acutely, he has not until now.
I think “both of you” was referring to me and Frank.
A: We could go on and on. The point is: warn Arkady. Knowledge protects!
Be MORE than careful!!
Remember MY life is what is in your hands in your care of YOUR life! I would literally have no reason to continue to do anything but survive until the children were grown, and then simply close up inside and die!!! Make me safe by being safe yourself!!!
And do these things to clean out your system. And buy bottled water!!!
If you cannot find the goldenseal, I will send it immediately! And the garlic capsules as well. A teaspoon of vinegar in a glass of water per day ought to do it, unless you put it on a salad.
Ark to Laura
Date sent: Sun, 6 Jul 1997 08:42:36
> A: Connection? Not exactly, except that Arkadiusz must be made > aware that danger lurks everywhere potentially. He has spent a > lifetime building a strong sense of security based upon his own > natural self assured state of being. But now is the “time” to learn > that this is not enough.>
OK. This is correct. Now I have to use my brain and intuition to prevent bad things to happen. Alright. I will do it. Means Alert Level Eight (out of ten). We can do it.
You sleep and I will work for a while and then have a walk on the hills, along the Macchiavelli road up to Piazza Michelangelo. It will replace light aerobic surely.
Ark to Laura
Date sent: Sun, 6 Jul 1997 17:03:26
Reading “Bringers..”. Am very slow with the reading. I wish I would read faster. Am on page 62 and there are 243 pages. And been reading almost all the way while walking this morning. Some reading, some thinking. I like reading while walking.
So am reading this book and it is an important event as it asks me to integrate together separate facts. It asks me to rethink. Now I think I am ready to receive this info and go further.
So I was asking myself so many times “why I am here?”, “what for?”. I understood that my task is to help the Creator, “to debug the universe”, but it was a feeling that was coming to me only once in a while. Otherwise I was involved in everyday nonsense. And it could well happen that this would remain forever. (And almost surely it is so in many parallel realities where I have chosen the easy path….. but perhaps not….)
Now it became task number one. Yet my emotional center is still not working. I am too linear and too logical. Perhaps for a while, until we are together at one place, this is not so bad. There are linear third density tasks…..
Reading…. And your picture is in front of me…. it gives me sense of purpose…..
Ark to Laura
Date sent: Sun, 6 Jul 1997 17:45:08
Honey, have found this…. unable to judge but perhaps you will be able to make something out of it….
“Angelic Feelings an essay on Angels and The Role of Human Emotional Energy in our Galaxy. or Why Sustainable Star Birth requires Collective Bardo.. perhaps Angelology was unpopular among physicists for the same reason Einstein couldn’t model the infinite compression which would bend time.. in both cases it was a fit problem onto the head of a pin, which only fractal/recursion solves. by Daniel Winter 11/96”
Laura To Ark:
Date sent: Sun, 06 Jul 97 18:10:58
Okay, I read it. I think this guy is completely NUTS.
Do you want me to go through it line by line and explain why?
Remember: until you get all this stuff cleaned out of your system, you COULD be susceptible to serious EM influences and mind altering thoughts and so forth.
Did you get some vinegar? Was anything open, like an herb shop or a health food store?
Ark responds to Laura
Date sent: Sun, 6 Jul 1997 18:32:26
> Maybe you should have paid attention to where you were going!!! > Reading while walking is NOT being aware and alert to the > environment!!!>
It was a conscious choice. This environment was a peaceful one. And I did not read while crossing the streets! so it was okay. And also I must have already become susceptible to e-m altering frequencies because at some point when I was somewhat tired I entered a cafeteria and asked for two croissants and a coffee. And had it WITH sugar. Which was a weakness! Forgiven?
Ark responds to Laura
Date sent: Mon, 7 Jul 1997 07:23:25
> How was your poltergeist last night?>>
It was okay. There were three hammer like noises but I decided they simply lock the windows. Then there was a dog but it was (I think) a real dog noise, not a hologram one. Then, because of alert level 12 I blocked all the windows, each with two heavy iron bars (these lawyers, they do know how to protect their houses) and there were no mosquitos because all the day the anti-mosquito device was running. So we read a little, listened to the tape for a while and slept till 5:30. And in the morning we did our gym and went to the department rather fast so that it was more like exercising than just walking.
Laura To Ark:
Date sent: Mon, 07 Jul 97 15:48:17
I am up, though I would not call my state “awake,” precisely. I have a cup of coffee, I have washed my face and brushed my hair, so I LOOK awake!!!
I was having a funny dream about alphabets.
Have you taken a couple of the garlic pills? Have you had a little of the vinegar in water? Just a little will do… you don’t want to make it so nasty that you can’t drink it!
Ark responds to Laura
Date sent: Mon, 07 Jul 97 16:17:43
> I was having a funny dream about alphabets.
> What was it? >>
Well, I am still trying to get it back. I was seeing a chart, and it had the Runes, the Greek and three other alphabets arranged in matching columns… and it seems that Etruscan was farthest column to the right, Greek to the left and the other three in the middle… and there was something significant about this arrangement. But I can’t remember it now.
> Yes. Three garlic pills (not quite pills, these gelatin capsules) > out of six advisable for a day and a spoon of vinegar (I hope > it is vinegar) in a cup of water (plus vitamin C). It should > do.>
Well, it sounds like vinegar to me. Was it sour? It is probably wine vinegar and not apple vinegar, but I don’t think it matters. The garlic is a blood purifier, and the vinegar breaks down fatty tissues, I think… I think you ought to be feeling a difference within 10 days or so.
Today is the last of that nasty Saturn vs. Moon aspect… Next month will be the first one in quite a while when Saturn hasn’t been aspecting… and it hasn’t been strong this time anyway because the orb is 5 degrees.
And, tomorrow you start a very good period for money and career matters as well as assistance from “behind the scenes,” of some sort. Through the 11th…
The sun is shining and it is a beautiful day outside! The pool is clear… the kids are happy…
Laura To Ark:
Date sent: Mon, 07 Jul 97 16:41:34>
You know something I only have nine sets of notes left for transcribing!!!
So, I am wondering if I can finish them all up this week… or by next week at the latest. I am going to try. Some of them seem to be very short, so should go quickly. And I am caught up with all from this year after the three I finished yesterday.
So, I will soon be ready to begin sorting the data. And, I have so much other material to work with, that I should be busy for MONTHS!
And, with swimming every night (because I really need to take advantage of the pool during the warm months) it will be no time at all before you are HOME.
And this month is already moving quickly so, soon, it will only be TWO months… and then ONE… and then….
Ark responds to Laura
Date sent: Mon, 7 Jul 1997 17:23:29
> Well, I am still trying to get it back. I was seeing a chart, and > it had the Runes, the Greek and three other alphabets arranged in > matching columns… and it seems that Etruscan was farthest column > to the right, Greek to the left and the other three in the middle… > and there was something significant about this arrangement. But I > can’t remember it now. >
It IS funny. In the book I will get tomorrow there are matching columns…. one being Etruscan, the other I do not remember what. We will see tomorrow!!!!
Laura responds To Ark:
Date sent: Mon, 07 Jul 97 18:18:48
>As you have been told you’re gonna use quite a lot of languages, Italian being certainly one of them. So Italian dictionary is a must.
Well, we are definitely gonna have to extend our lifetimes to do all the things the C’s have lined up for us!!!
> Perhaps I will get an Italian book on the Grail…? Will you read it? Italian IS easy!!!! Certo!
Honey, by now you should know that I simply don’t know the meaning of “can’t.” It isn’t in my vocabulary. Except Ali had a funny saying when she was a toddler… “I can’t want to!” So, I adopted it sometimes …
Laura responds To Ark:
Date sent: Mon, 07 Jul 97 20:27:09
> As you say, things are done not by the people but > through the people. So Terry is not guilty in this > case (who is then guilty?). Nevertheless memory of this > experience and of the feeling I had is useful for me as I > am only at the very starting point if valuing of some > of my “intuitions”. > yes?>>
Yes. And this is the means of learning the “fine perceptions” that we have talked about. It has to do with going out for a walk, or anywhere, and paying attention to the subtle things in the world.
There WERE some things regarding T** that made me nervous, also… but, there was also a LOT of beneficial work that helped me a lot. But, at the point he did what he did where V** was concerned, I saw this as a VERY deep betrayal of trust that is inexcusable on any grounds.
Of course, we say that this or that person is not DOing this out of their own choices and so forth, but in a fundamental sense, they are. They have made the choice to believe the lie and not the truth, as Paul writes in Romans I. They have chosen to give their free will away. As have we all, until we begin to learn that we have done this, and start to figure out how to get out of this prison.
I rather expect that T** did not even SEE this as anything other than a curious experiment because his awareness of the nature of energy is still very limited. But, it is rather like being surrounded by children with loaded guns… they have no idea of the seriousness of their actions… and they just keep shooting themselves and each other… and whoever else happens to be standing around. And, I don’t plan on getting shot anymore!!! So, I want to keep my distance!!!
The kids and I are going to watch a Kung Fu class this evening at 6. If we like it, I am going to see if they can’t go a couple of times a week for very little … I think it is 40 a month to go 5 days a week… so should be less to only go on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. But, we are going to go and observe first. Who knows? I may take it up myself!!! It will give the kids something to do that is nearby – they can walk there, or skate…
So, that is the only thing I have really found for them to do. Supposedly this guy also teaches fencing…
Ark responds to Laura
Date sent: Mon, 7 Jul 1997 20:34:27
>watch a Kung Fu class this evening at >
Well, I like the idea. There is only one point that I need to make concerning our boy…. Well, I do not know what is Kung Fu. But I imagine. Now, I think he will like it. He will learn it quickly and he will be very good in it. And then he will need somebody to demonstrate his new skills…. I wish it not to be The Baby….. or even the older girls!!!!
Laura To Ark:
Date sent: Tues, 08 Jul 97 06:42:18
I am beginning to think that my problem does not have anything to do with the sticking of needles in my face – or only slightly – but is rather increasing swelling of the prolapsed disc in my neck from working the other day. I have to admit that this was one of the more stupid things I have ever done in my life. Just because I had no pain for so long, I just figured I never would again. I forgot that it can take years for those discs to rebuild. Today was the worst. After the muscle pain wore off, I just ignored the other things thinking they would go away too. But, this is 3 days now, and nothing seems to be helping and it is gradually getting worse.
So, let me try a couple of things and see if we can’t get some relief here!
Ark to Laura
Date sent: Tue, 8 Jul 1997 15:11:10
It is very hot today. I believe it goes into ninety…. We are back We got money from the bank, not much but it will do. Got goldenseal, they know it under the latin name. But they sell it in little pills and I have no idea how many pills I need. So let us do this counting: there are 80 little pills. They costs 5 bucks. If I take 50 cents per day it should be okay I think. A reasonable amount…. Well, let us get down to 25 cent per day…. This should do.
We did not have particular success with the bookshops because they switched off the light and closed it abruptly at 1 PM. And they close all till 3:30. Well, this is South. They need a siesta. But we noticed that the table was (from left to right) Greek, old Etrusc, new Etrusc, transcription. And it seems indeed they write from right to left. So that’s it for a while.
Laura responds To Ark:
Date sent: Tues, 08 Jul 97 18:10:32
>I believe it goes into ninty….>>
Honey! That is VERY HOT! So, we are experiencing similar weather!!!! And I assume that there is no air conditioning? Are the shops and things air conditioned? Well, I guess that when a lot of heat only happens a small part of the time, it seems wasteful to have A/C – but it is essential here! The heat is for about 9 out of 12 months!
And, there are many people who say that the “development” of the South only really began after air conditioning was invented. Which, I think, has a lot of truth in it.
When I was a child, our lives were very different because we did not have air conditioning!!! Everything sort of stopped during the heat of the day – as you have described it there!!! Nobody in his “right mind” would go out into the hot sun!
> We are back > We got money from the bank, not much but > it will do.>
I worry about you doing without because of us…
> Got goldenseal, they know it under the lattin > name. But they sell it in little pills and I have no > idea how many pills I need. So let us do this counting: > there are 80 little pills. They costs 5 bucks. If I take > 50 cents per day it should be okay I think. A reasonable > amount…. Well, let us get down to 25 cent per day…. > This should do.>
Honey! I don’t think you are supposed to establish dosage based on cost… I think FOUR pills per day is the right amount. Two in the morning and two in the evening. Then they will last for 20 days, which is about the right amount of time that one should take goldenseal!!!
> We did not have particular success with the bookshops > because they switched off the light and closed it abruptly at > 1 PM. And they close all till 3:30. Well, this is South. They > need a siesta. >
Having grown up with this custom, I understand it!!! You will need some extra salt to cope with the heat!
Well, I am not in so much pain today. I think the acupuncture helped. But, I will have to be very careful so that the swelling can get completely under control. It is a bad time to have such a thing… I could call Terry, and get the traction device, which might help. I suppose I ought to buy one, but it will have to wait until next month. I have paid the bills, made the kids happy, and now must be careful with what is left so that we can eat for the rest of the month. We are even going to put off the Kung Fu for a couple of weeks until I feel safe enough to spend 120 bucks to put the three kids in the class.
But, we did find out about it. They teach Tai Chi, Chi gung, Tao Yin and Chinese Herbal Medicine. They work VERY hard, and the teacher believes that they should all learn to be really “tough” and they work out without air conditioning!!!!
So, I think we will like this. It is two hours every evening, 6 days per week, for 40 bucks a month per kid.
Well, now we know…
Laura responds To Ark:
Date sent: Tues, 08 Jul 97 18:48:49
> we are back > and we got water > and this water is with gas > and we opened the bottle > after carrying it in backpack for a while > and it was high pressure INDEED>
Honey, can you get just plain “distilled” water? That is, without carbon dioxide? The carbon dioxide molecules bond with the hemoglobin and prevent oxygen bonding with same, and thereby deprive the tissues of oxygenation. Carbonated beverages are, therefore, NOT GOOD!!! And not just because most of them are loaded with sugar and chemicals! It is also the CO2 that is not good.
I also would like to tell you that I got an “A” on the paper I wrote for Ali’s Humanities class!!! Today, we have to write another paper on the subjects of the play, “Medea,” and also an analysis of “Jason and the Argonauts.” Too bad I can’t write what I REALLY think!! The instructor would have cardiac arrest!!!
I plan on doing Ali’s paper and swimming and I need to go to the store and get water, bread and bathroom tissue. That is it.
I was working on some notes that I think you would find VERY interesting, but I will put it off until tomorrow since you will be going before I can finish it.
The pain in my elbow and forearm seems to be almost completely gone, though the shoulder is still sensitive and the low back has a little bit of an ache. The stiffness in the neck seems to be mostly gone (it felt like there was a growing knot in there just to the left of my spine) so it must mean that the swelling is going down. There is still a little feeling of stiffness… and some rigidity in the upper arm, but not overtly painful as it was yesterday. And, the hands are not numb today.
So, you pack up your things and go to the apartment and eat and rest.
I am missing you so much that it doesn’t much matter whether you are there or sleeping. Either way I am miserable. So, maybe I will just read awhile and rest my neck and back.
Oh, I forgot: I DID get up in the middle of the night and take pain pills… so maybe they had something to do with the reducing of the swelling also.
Laura To Ark:
Date sent: Tues, 08 Jul 97 19:27:50
Honey, I have read some VERY strange things in this book “Fire In The Brain,” that you bought for me in Gainesville. I will just write the notes here and you can see.
This guy was a grad student at Dalhousie U in Halifax, Nova Scotia… during the 60s he uses his friends as “guinea pigs” for experiments in “mapping hallucinations.” Using marijuana or LSD, he would have them lie on a mattress in the darkened lab and describe their visions.
“First came simple geometric forms, flashing and dancing through the air. Despite individual differences, all my subjects reported the SAME basic geometric structures. These simple forms were followed by complex scenes: cartoons, pictures of familiar people and places, and images so fantastic that the subjects wept in awe.
“Heinrich Kluver, an experimental psychologist at the Uni of Chicag […] studied the hallucinogenic peyote […] and found tat all mescal visions contained the SAME geometric forms. The forms consisted of tunnels, spirals, cobwebs, and checkerboard designs.
“Marijuana and LSD produced identical geometric patterns.
“The forms might even be found in hallucinations produced by conditions such as paranoia or schizophrenia, fever delirium, hunger, thirst, fatigue, or other forms of trauma.
“What did these tunnels and other structures really look like? And what about the other complex visions, the ones that hushed them or caused them to cry in awe and wonderment? Was there a common structure?
“Even in our wildest and maddest hallucinations, the mental landscape is the same for all of us.
“Dr. John Lilly, the controversial scientist best known for his work with dolphins […] insisted that while in the [sensory deprivation] tank, he had communicated with beings from deep space who were sending messages directly into his brain.
“I had to shed my corporeal form, freeing my mind from all bodily sensations.
“A tunnel emitting a pulsating blue light appeared straight ahead.
“A surge of power boosted me into a sea of nothingness…”
[various bizarre images]
“My [images] appeared vivid and solid enough to touch, but I recognized it as a false perception or hallucination. When hallucinations fail to fool people, they are called pseudo hallucinations. Lilly, on the other hand, would not accept this analysis. His belief in the reality of his ETs was unshakable. He not only believed in the existence of the beings, he also allowed them to control a good deal of his everyday thinking outside the tank. Lilly’s ETs apparently fooled him – they were true hallucinations.
“The hallucinations assumed such startling intensity that the person could easily mistake vividness for veridicality.
“Vivid images prior to sleep (the hypnagogic state) or just before awakening (the hypnopompic state)
“The number of people reporting them is increasing…
“…in 1894, approximately 10 percent of the population reported hallucinatory experiences of one type or another.
“A 1957 study of normal people by psychologist Peter McKellar found that 25 percent of the people questioned had had at least one hallucinatory experience.
“My own international questionnaire, distributed in Omni magazine in 1988, revealed a startling 79 percent of the respondents reported hallucinations.
“The average age of these respondents was 33 years. Most were well educated with more than 4 years of college.
I will get into some of the details of the hallucinations for you tomorrow. It is very interesting, considering alphabets, crop circles and other things. He also talks about phosphenes…
But, this guy is VERY stupid, even if he is very clever. He claims, categorically, that the only hallucinations one can have, are of images stored in the brain.
Okay, how did I have a TOTALLY REAL hallucination of your face??? 10 months before I EVER saw you?
Ark responds to Laura
Date sent: Tue, 8 Jul 1997 19:49:28
> But, this guy is VERY stupid, even if he is very clever. He claims, > categorically, that the only hallucinations one can have, are of > images stored in the brain. > > Okay, how did I have a TOTALLY REAL hallucination of your face??? > 10 months before I EVER saw it? >
Now, we have to distinguish between different kinds of hallucinations. Brain is a complex machine and can produce fascinating pictures of its own. These pictures need not however to carry any useful info. Human being is a wonderful receiver (even with the poor two strands of DNA) but it needs a lot of WISDOM to be able to interpret what is being received without anticipation.
This guy Lilly once was a great guy for me. Not that I would follow him with LSD or tank experiments, but he was doing these experiments himself trying to map somehow “human biocomputer” as he called it. And he got some insight. But not much. I am not saying that it is easy to get some real insight. It is impossibly difficult. But we are on a good track.
The main point here is to have a WIDE picture. To take ALL that is known into account. Lilly was neglecting lot of phenomena that were real and should not have been neglected. If one has an idea that accounts for a particular class of experiences but contradicts some other – then it is TOTALLY wrong.
And it needs not only WISDOM but also KNOWLEDGE. There are few people that understand it. You are one of them.
Continue to Part 2